For Immediate Release
Fort Worth, Texas
In a move to counter the mounting criticism that Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary and its president, Paige Patterson, have received on account of the “homemaking degree,” offered through the seminary’s undergraduate program, the Fort Worth school has now authorized the development of a supplementary degree concentration in Christian Husbandry.
The new degree, which will launch this fall, will further serve the school’s mission to equip Southern Baptist churches to reclaim the Christian home as a counter-cultural weapon against un-biblical family paradigms.
With elective course offerings in lawnmowing, hedgetrimming, weedeating, and fire-ant prevention, Southwestern’s husbandry degree will achieve Patterson’s objective to make the seminary a premier center for theological education in America.
“The Bible is replete with exhortations for men who seek to fulfill their God-given commission as the leaders of their households,” Patterson said. “Southwestern Seminary will spare no effort — we will spend every last dime of convention money, if necessary — to preserve and protect the biblical roles of Christian men.”
The 23-hour concentration will require three hours of archery, sharpshooting, and gun safety complete with a taxidermy lab, four hours of marinade preparation and outdoor grilling, a seminar in automotive maintenance and repair, and a two hour course in corporal punishment techniques. Only male students will be allowed to enroll.
Southwestern Seminary’s dean of husbandry studies, Rev. Dean Nichols, has high hopes for the program’s success.
“We’re not going to tolerate Christian men who don’t know how to change a tire or baste a rack of ribs,” Nichols growled. “Southern Baptist churches will have confidence that preachers coming out of Southwestern Seminary can keep the church bus running, keep the baptistry pump working, and still prepare sermons for Sunday meeting.”
Nichols serves concurrently as the faculty sponsor for Southwestern Seminary’s student organization, The Royal Society of the Deer Pants.
Having watched FTE enrollment drop below 2000 for the first time in decades, Patterson hopes the paired programs of homemaking and husbandry will plug the drain of student attrition. A simultaneous wild game dinner and British tea is planned for the Fall semester to profile the new degree concentrations.
In related news, SWBTS President Paige Patterson has announced a new capital improvement campaign to fund construction of facilities to house the Ted Nugent School of Biblical Husbandry.
The Baptist Blogger 
Ben,
Wickedly funny, as always. I’m glad you haven’t lost your edge.
Our prayers are with you during your transition,
Emily
Never again will I drink orange soda while reading your blog. I needed a new monitor anyway.
Ben,
Do you think a 72-year-old husband of one wife for 50 years of marriage would qualify for this course?
My Wife didn’t know anything about being a housewife as her family had a maid.
I being a poor farm boy from Pa. taught my English Bride how to do everything from making bed to cooking. Of course today she could be teaching at a seminary as she has mastered it all.
In His Name
Wayne Smith
Ben,
Is the The Royal Society of the Deer Pants a sister Society to The Royal Red Deer Pants?
http://www.nopantsday.com/wp/events/
In His Name
Wayne Smith
I’ll be the first to sign up…what is the tuition? If my wife is in the MDiv program, do I get in for 1/2 off?
Do we all get copies of “Lord of Flies”?
Who said Dr. P was sexist? This clearly offers a meaningful alternative for all.
You are the Church!
Robert Angison
Ben,
Very funny.
Perfect.
I think it’s very unfortunate that this Baptist Seminary is tackling what scripture teaches should be done by women. It is not the place of the seminary to teach women. Titus clearly points out that the older women are to teach the younger women.
Too bad the Core Curriculum doesn’t include a course on Toilet Uncloggery. I could use a man with those skills on my church staff.
I’d like to echo Josh’s sentiments, and add that I will never again eat pizza while reading your blog.
This just put you over the top in the “Who’s Now?” competition
WOW! What Wit! I mean who could think up of something like this . . . You are a comedic genius! But aeriously shouldn’t you stop calling the the homeaking concentration a “homemaking degree?” That is not really honest or fair of you to do so. Oh wait! I forgot who you are. Forget it!
My question is why are we charging people money for things like this. When did Chrstian mentorship become a tuition fee. What happen to dad raising there boys and the old men in the church guiding the young ones. Instead we going to have them spend a few thousand dollars. What vocational training will these guys have when it is over. Is not providing for the family part of good husbandry. With divorce rates like they are with believers I can see a need for something but not on the universty level.
Though I do not see this as positive thing for The Hill but I do like the idea of old Ted showing how to gut something and heckle liberal tree huggers at the same time. Don’t forget about the other teachers they would need. Jo from the Jiffy Lube to show how to take care of the car. They can use Bob the Builder tapes for home repair. Hey they can put them to work as a blue shirt for field ed.
Is this a serious post, sense when do christians have to be “men” by the worlds standards is this a serious statement
“We’re not going to tolerate Christian men who don’t know how to change a tire or baste a rack of ribs,” Nichols growled. “Southern Baptist churches will have confidence that preachers coming out of Southwestern Seminary can keep the church bus running, keep the baptistry pump working, and still prepare sermons for Sunday meeting.”
I mean honestly yes as men we are supposed to lead our families but what does basting a rack of ribs have to do with that. This is a little sad. The way the baptist church goes about doing things makes me laugh.
You know what is going to happen…All those worried Patriarchs with unmarried daughters they could not arrange matches for and would not allow to attend college will be sent to the SWBTS Homemaking courses in hopes they will find a husband on campus.
Maybe Patterson has deal going with Gothard and Doug Phillips?
Ben,
Did you ever think about stand up comedy? I about had a coronary reading this and the entry above it. Email me and let me know what’s going on in your neck of the world.
Hilarious post Ben! Thanks for what you do.
You my friend, are AWESOME!!!
Orange coke and pizza…now add to that fried rice.
From across the sea with gratitude,
Randy
Keep it up. Very funny and very sad.
Ben,
To whom, would you believe, belong the “rack of ribs” they would most like to bast?
cb
It has been a long time coming, bit it is finally here. In the 1930s and 1940s one could attend college and get classes that prepared a “female” to be a better wife and home maker. Then over several years we felt those classes were superfelous and useless. Females then learned how to make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches along with majoring in Mcdonalds and Taco Bell.
Someone had to step up to the place and Page Patterson has been the one. I don’t agree that all the courses should be reserved/restricted for women, but that is minor.
Young women departing from home have been engaged in every thing except how to make a house a home. They have learned the technicalities of soccer, volleyball, cheerleading, etc. but failed to master “water boiling.” Too many are looking for a husband while in college, yet failing to understand their roll in that marriage. Too many conflicts develop because she has taken on a new roll, with total ignorance of what to do.
Keep the courses and let the women progress.
This will further the idea of uniting the two degrees in a Marriage Concentration. Where the husband core and the wife core meet each other in the process of preparation and have a seminary wedding. This was really funny for me. I do think they need to add: physical health, toilet un-PLUGGED, and a two-part series on listening techniques for the opposite sex. Genius!
Simply Hilarious. Sounds just like something Dean Nichols would say actually…
I actually think the part about the baptistry pump might be worth a second look. If you paired it with pipe organ repair, it would give the music faculty something to do, since enrolment is apparently down to about three.
Wow. And here’s the website course schedule, which, as my boss pointed out, unfortunately, offers nothing in the way of bedroom manners–one of the primary responsibilities of a good homemaker, we ALL know.
http://www.swbts.edu/index.cfm?pageid=677
and click here:
http://college.swbts.edu/academics/homemakingconcentration.cfm
Let’s hope the textile class covers the topic of hatmaking. I am hoping that the headcoverings allowed in class include some of the flower-spangled hats sported by Paige Patterson’s wife.
I am in awe of a master!
What I really want to know is how many people believed you?
http://rahabsplace.wordpress.com
Very Funny.
I hate to say it, but I halfway agree with Rev. Patterson, if that’s his name. I think that there are a lot of women who need to learn what he’s talking about, those basic homemaking skills. I just think that a lot of them are the ones that can’t afford to go to college or the ones who would never in a million years sign up for such a degree. BUT, if this program at this university could train women not just to BE homemakers but to go back to their churches and TEACH others the womanly arts, then, then we could make some progress.
There was a day when I would NEVER have said such a thing. But, now, I’m 38 years old. Planning for and preparing meals is still something that I’m absolutely rotten at. I ate macarroni and cheese and tuna for years because I just didn’t know what else to cook. Then my doctor started talking to me about how unhealthy that was. I can’t sew anything. When I so much as look at a sewing maching, it comes unthreaded. It’s a magic power I have. It’s not just that I’m stupid either. My sister is a wonderful cook. With 4 kids and a very demanding job, though, she’s almost had the kids taken away numerous times. For one thing, her house is a wreck. It’s not just my family, either. I know a lot of people our age that are like this. Maybe y’all don’t know them because they would never speak to a pastor (unlike me — I’ll speak to anybody) But then, I’m disabled. My sister and I both live in poverty. We get to know people who would never be seen in a Baptist church.
So I was sitting in a diner here in Mannheim, Germany this morning reading today’s issue of the Stars and Stripes, and I saw an article about Southwestern’s new program for “housewife” studies. I was like, how typical…sounds just like something a Southern Baptist seminary would come up with. Then I read about the “Rev. Benjamin Cole, pastor of such-and-such church in Texas, a frequent critic of the Southern Baptist Convention…” and I almost choked on my breakfast.
Ha!
It mentioned you criticizing this new program on your blog, so I just had to do a search online for this blog to see what kind of trouble you’ve been stirring up lately. Good job! I can’t tell you how it made my morning to have this military mindset that I’m constantly in shattered by reading of the antics of old acquaintances back home from my seminary days.
Southern Baptist politics is always entertaining, no matter where I go in life!
I must say…LOL!!!
It is refreshing to see Christians with a sense of humor. There are many who behave as if laughter, humor, etc. are sins that should be avoided. I enjoy clean humor. This satire is hilarious!
I agree with Nick. And as to the “hilarious satire” you seem to be enjoying… it’s at other people’s expense…. so grown up. It’s not “clean humor” that Christian unfoundedly deem sinful. It’s degrading judgements that are to by only made by God.
So they really mentioned you in their article at SWBTS? You really are a threat. You and your sarcasm. Keep it up. They shouldn’t let a little fun bother them.
Ted Nugent….hmmm…this ought to give new meaning to “Cat Scratch Fever.”
There is a difference between humorous satire and being downright mean and ugly. Ben Cole, you are mean. I am not stating that as a four year old who is upset that someone stole her dolly. You are mean in the worst sense of the word. You take pleasure in anguish of others. Do you enjoy knowing that you reduce others to tears on a regular basis? Have you seen the pain that you have caused by the so called “truth” that you are spreading? You spread propaganda and flagrant lies about a good man and his family… his children and his wife… and the seminary that has sent thousands of Christians out into the world to spread the good news. You watch as your lies cripple the work of the Lord and I have no doubt that you laugh and pat yourself on the back anytime some brainless twit with a grudge looking to buck the institution and get a cheap laugh at the expense of others- of real people- agrees with you. You are not funny and you are not clever. You are disgusting.
Shame on you. And shame on those of you the applaud him.
Mrs. P explains in her class “Wife of the Equipping Minister” that her reason for wearing hats is not at all Biblical. She explains that when she was in her early years of ministry someone told her that she looked nice in hats, and she’s worn them ever since.
Points to ponder?
1. Isn’t that outright, self-declared vanity?
2. I wonder if she would stop wearing them if someone told her she really didn’t look that great.
Won’t Mark Driscoll and the Acts 29 gang think that this “manly arts” degree would be infringing on THEIR turf?